The Partner Perspective: Supporting Perinatal & Postpartum Mental Health

Here at Ott Counseling, supporting Buffalo families is what we do and what we’re most passionate about.

And, while as therapists in the perinatal mental health field we often focus on birthing parents, their partners are invaluable in the process of building a family and supporting the birthing parent and their family when they need it most! Becoming a parent is life-changing, not only for the person giving birth but for you, their partner, too. It’s an exciting, exhausting, and often overwhelming time, filled with both joy and immense challenges. As a partner, your support is crucial to your loved one’s emotional well-being during the postpartum period. But, how do you do that? We’re here to give you a few of our best tips on how to show up for your partner in meaningful ways during pregnancy and birth.

Understanding Perinatal and Postpartum Mental Health

Pregnancy and parenthood can feel like a whirlwind of emotions, both for a birthing parent and their partner. The perinatal period - which includes pregnancy and the year following birth - is a time of tremendous change. There’s joy, hope, and excitement, but there’s also exhaustion, anxiety, and sadness. There are highs and lows as a birthing parent’s body slowly adapts to the drastic changes that come with a delivery, whether vaginal or c-section, as well as in the weeks and months following birth. This includes massive shifts in hormones. A birthing parent’s body may not physically ever return to the way it was pre-pregnancy, and this is a hard reality for many birthing parents, particularly as society encourages parents “bounce back” to their pre-pregnancy bodies. For many more there may be ongoing physical and emotional health struggles that must be addressed while also adjusting to a new family member. The postpartum phase adds its own set of challenges, from sleep deprivation to navigating a new family dynamic.

For many parents, pregnancy and postpartum can feel like an uphill battle (make sure to check out our recent blog post on hyperemesis gravidarum). According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men may experience depression or anxiety during the perinatal period. You may experience perinatal anxiety independently, but it is often combined with perinatal depression. High-stress parenting groups experience perinatal anxiety at a higher rate. The good news? As a partner, you are not helpless. You can lighten the emotional and physical load and play an invaluable role for your family.

How You Can Support Your Partner

But, how does a partner do that? After all, you may be pretty sleep deprived at this point yourself, and may also be facing your own challenges, possibly with balancing a return to work or caring for other children or family members. Here are a few things that you can add to our checklist that won’t add too much to your plate, but can make a world of difference.

1. Get Curious
   Spend a little time on Google or ChatGPT learning about perinatal and postpartum mental health challenges, like depression or anxiety, so you can better understand what your partner may be experiencing.  Postpartum Support International (PSI) is also a fantastic resource with tools specifically for partners.
2. Be Fully Present
   Your partner doesn’t need you to have all the answers - sometimes, they just need you to be there. Ask how they’re feeling, and listen without judgment or trying to “fix” things (we know, sometimes this is easier said than done!) But, a simple “I hear you, and I’m here for you” can go a long way to opening the door to positive communication.
3. Share the Load
   Parenting is a team effort, and sharing tasks like feeding, diaper changes, and household chores shows your partner that you’re in this together. It really is the little things, like sometimes being the first to hop out of bed in the middle of the night if the baby is crying, or brewing a fresh pot of coffee in the morning after a long night, that can make a really big difference.
4. Encourage Rest
   Sleep is everything! Take over baby duties for a while so your partner can nap, read, or just enjoy a few quiet moments to themselves. Be aware of each other’s mental health and encourage your partner to communicate with you when they need a break. Sometimes just giving them the opportunity to take a break without having to ask you can be a huge relief also.
5. Be Open to Therapy
   Sometimes, professional support is needed, and the postpartum period can be one of those times. That’s okay! Therapists can provide practical tools to manage stress, process emotions, and navigate challenges together. If this sounds like something you want to learn more about you can always visit our Office page to learn more about our therapists and the specialties they offer, including perinatal mental health, trauma, internal family systems and much more.

Top Tips From Our Therapists

Here’s what our team of mental health counselors recommends for partners looking to be the best support system possible:

• Celebrate the Little Things: Parenthood is so hard! So, celebrate the small wins and make sure to embrace your companionship on this huge journey - whether it’s making it through a tough night or finding time to laugh together.
• Communicate Regularly: Communication is the cornerstone to any successful relationship, and that doesn’t change when a baby comes into the mix (in fact, it may be more important than ever! Check in with your partner daily to ask how they’re feeling and how you can help. Even if there isn’t anything right off the bat to help with, the gesture is still meaningful.
• Take Care of Yourself Too: Supporting someone else is easier when you’re also caring for your own emotional well-being. Make sure to communicate with your partner how you are feeling, just as you are asking them how they are doing. And most importantly, don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need it.
• Have Boundaries, a Schedule, and Communicate Often: What are the expectations while at the hospital? What about during the first few weeks? Visitors? Who is getting up at 3am? Washing bottles? Caring for other children? Doing household chores? As a partner, you can help communicate the boundaries you have set for your home during this delicate time.
  

A Few of Our Favorite Partner Resources

If you’re looking for more guidance, these trusted resources can help:

• Postpartum Support International (PSI): Offers resources, support, and information tailored for partners.
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): Provides insights into perinatal and postpartum mental health.
• The Gottman Institute: Focuses on building strong relationships and navigating parenthood as a team.

Learn More

Partners, your support during the perinatal and postpartum periods is more important than you can imagine. And, if you or your partner could use some extra help, we’re here for you. Reach out anytime - Parenthood is an ongoing and constantly adapting journey, and you’re not alone. Remember, by showing up with lots of love, patience, and understanding, you’re not only supporting your partner but also laying the foundation for a stronger, healthier family.